I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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