walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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