Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She told me I should be a condom model.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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