at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize