After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
