dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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