You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize