the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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