Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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