happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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