Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Congratulations! We have a period
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