just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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