do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
