I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
