I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
