I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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