Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
