quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
