somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
