I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
