I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
