every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
