Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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