Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
