i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
