I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
