You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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