How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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