I will die if light touches me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
