WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize