How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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