worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i drank out of a bidet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
