Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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