Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
