my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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