Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
