Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You ruined the universe
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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