Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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