Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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