It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
