its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
