Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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