either way he was missing a nipple.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
did i just pee glitter
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
