Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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