I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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