moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
