I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
