you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I touched a dick in church today
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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