school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
