We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
