I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
