I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
