So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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