you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just high enough for therapy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
