I should be sponsored by Trojan
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
