I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize