please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
