i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
