Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
