He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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