Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
