My first STD was from a foam party
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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