So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
