Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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