I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
