Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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