Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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