He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
