dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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